year in review.

My year in review.
2013.
It seems to have been a pretty lucky one for several people, myself included.
Of course it has had its good and bad times.
Fighting good against evil on several occasions but looking back I have some very fond memories.

I started my graduate year as a registered nurse at a private hospital.
I had the guidance of an amazing educator Nadia, I'm so blessed to have been chosen by this wise and beautiful soul.
I found my love for oncology greater than I expected and was lucky enough to get a permanent position back on that ward next year.
I also made so many amazing and beautiful new friends. We have shared moments that each of us understands when working as a new nurses, the struggles and the high feelings you get when helping someone in need.
We raised over $7000 for charity together.
I graduated from university and learnt to IV cannulate.
I went to my first patient funeral.

Two of my best friends got engaged on top of Mordor and I was asked to be Maid of Honour.
I cannot wait to be there to watch them and help celebrate their love and the start their lives together as a family.
They have showed me so much about love, compassion, loyalty and friendship.

I saw the Adelaide Symphony Orchestra play with Sarah Blasko.
I experienced Laneway Festival, Tegan & Sara, Matt Corby and Passenger.
I went to Crush Wine Festival and indulged in all the splendours SA has to offer.
I have grown to love board games other than scrabble and phase 10, I have read 15 books.
I threw my mum a surprise birthday dinner.
I have baked red velvet cake 7 times through out the year.
I ate sushi, played card games in the corner of the Fin Maccools pub with my closest friends for my birthday.
I travelled overseas for the first time and saw first hand another culture and way of life which made my appreciate the life we lead in Australia.

I started my clinical honours and have stuck to it so far, only 2 assignments to go.
I lost my grandfather to cancer before Christmas.
I received an amazing present from my cousin's boyfriend to see Josh Pyke in 2014.
I can now cross boxing day test match, ashes match and cricket at the MCG off my bucket list.
I completed the city to bay 12k run. (running and walking)

Looking back on 2013 makes me realise just how lucky I am.
This year even after all the things I've accomplished, I have felt like I have just existed through the days.
Working hard and learning so much during my grad year, I hope to live more next year and fully appreciate the life I lead.
Spend time with friends and get absorbed in the little things that make life worth living.
See the world and all the beauty in it.
Meet new people and experience new things.
I hope everyone has an exciting new year of new things and appreciating the old ones.

words of messy ink

I have this book I write in, I try to write in it when I feel sad or confused or happy.
Just a way to get all the muddle out of my head. Raw, often misspelt muddle.
Some of my entries are from this book.

Date: 20.12.13

Part One
I'm an emotional travesty.
A delicate flower picked and left to wilt.
It is surreal that you're gone.
Your soul has left this planet,
You took your last breath.
Even after seeing you, cold, lifeless, in that box.
We will miss you more than we know.
Such a big part of our lives, lost forever.
The pain has ended in many ways.
Yet the clouds fill the sky,
The thunder sounds.
You are buried deep now.
To finally rest.
See you on the next great adventure.

Part Two
You leave my world continuously,
Broken and confused.
Rotting from the inside out,
Losing hope.
Recovery emerges.
Life begins again.
It's the spring after the winter,
But like the seasons, you return..
Why?
What do I offer you?
A boost to your ego?
A way to pass the time..
When you're bored with your other toys?
To only toss me away again like an autumn leaf.
Not today.
You show yourself again,
Appear from the shadows and demand my attention.
On a day when my heart was already broken.
So there is nothing left to break,
Nothing for you here any more.

little lights

[I have all these notepad icons living on my desktop
thoughts written in times of despair and hope.
I hope this one doesn't get forgotten, it will be a delayed post due to my Internet playing up...again #firstworldproblems. right?]

Tonight I made my way to the grand old Thebarton Theatre and had the honour of watching live, with many others; quite a few many others, the one and only Passenger.
[He also goes by the name Mike]
Now that I have made my way home, done all the pre-bed rituals that inhabit me late at night, I'm not sure how to put the experience into words.
Firstly, he of course is amazingly talented, this is obvious if you just listen to his music.
But it's more than that..
He a good human being. He has done it tough as many other musicians have before him, yet he is still humble even with his fame now.
Now I'm not claiming to know him on any personal level, but this shone through to me tonight.
It was in his chats with his audience, how he wanted to get everyone involved, he joked with us and at him self.
He was real. He had an understanding for life and being in life, in the moment.
Appreciating it for all its glory.
You can hear this in his lyrics.
He knows where he has come from, where he is now, where he wants to be, even if the road is not mapped yet.
He will do it with grace and humility which is refreshing to see.
So I took a little piece of advice from him tonight.
[I've been trying to do this as often as I can by following some Buddhist truths, but a little friendly reminder in the form of Mike Rosenberg is nice]
I drove home, windows down, music off and was in the moment.
Luckily for me the night was just perfect, clear and cool. It made for a pleasant and calming drive home.
I returned home, waited for out sensor light to switch off, then laid down in the middle of our lawn and looked up at the sky.
The stars, even with the light pollution, were beautiful.
[Those little shiny balls of fire always are]
It is hard to remember to look up when we are caught so heavily in ourselves, past and future, to appreciate the now.
Then to my surprise I cried.. Tears for my close friend who has lost someone close to her. For the beauty of the night I just experienced and the good vibes streaming from the stage. For my grandfather who is stubborn and is on a time limit shorter than we expected. For the lovers and for the lost.
It was a strange moment but I took it and ran with it.
I'm trying to be closer to myself, know myself, pass on kindness to others and appreciate what life has in store for me.
Tonight was a wonderful reminder to look outside the box, out your window, from behind the screen of your phone, camera, computer.
Be there. Right there in it. Because you might not be again.
Actually you won't be, you won't be in the same time, or place and feel the same things again so why not enjoy it and express as much positive energy as you can.
Make life uplifting rather than drowning.

So as I part tonight I am thankful for my job and the people I work with, the money I earn pays for my life and the ticket to tonight's show, I thank Abby my beautiful friend for braving the world in her time of sorrow, to see the show tonight, I hope your heavy heart was lifted if only just a little [I'm thinking of you] and thank you to Mike for gracing us with your presence, beautiful lyrics, music and voice. Adelaide is once again much richer from your visit tonight.

i base all of my thoughts and feelings about you,
on the past.
of past memories and feelings.
those days are gone.
you need to man up stop pretending to be there,
stop treating me like a second prize.
someone to speak to when you're feeling sad,
or sick,
or lonely.
you need to work for my affections.
be a gentleman,
appreciate me and deserve my attention.
at the moment you are none of these.
therefore i have nothing for you.
let me go.

mike rosenberg

i just had a long hot bath and glass of $40 a bottle shiraz with the one and only Passeneger.
we sang a bit of a duet together, the bathroom tiles gave off the best acoustics.
oh it was magical.
never mind him being somewhere in England at the moment.
we shared something very special in between the bubbles and the stereo where his sweet sweet voice echoed.
so what, i enjoy many romantic baths alone, yelling at cats, getting ever so slightly inebriated off wine.
never such classy wine so that was a first.
i figure why not immerse your self in sweet smelling water and bubbles
there is nothing as glorious.. nothing.
and i did this full well knowing i have an assignment due in just over 24 hours. luckily for me i only had to re-read and find some references for my babble before submitting it.
i have that mixed feeling of butterflies being captured and slaughtered in my stomach.
you know that relief its over yet unsettled because it wasn't that great but hoping it was enough pass.
i have a more exciting task for the end of the week...
BAKING! (*@#^%)#@$

we are holding our very last and probably best fundraiser for work on friday night.
moooooovie night. yeeeah.
what am i baking... no freaking idea
will it be delicious... well i hope freaking so
that will be the bain (insert bain voice here) of my existence all week, to figure out what to bake.
ALSO to book into my sisters cute and very good physio, i need him to feel me up, i mean feel my back, i mean fell the knots in my back and get them the hell out!

to finish on a good note, i've decided to abandon the cats for a night and sleep in my new bed!
weeeeow
mainly because i really really want to sleep in it and i have an early on tuesday.. ill give them some TCL that night, if they are lucky.
house sitting was way more fun when i was younger and didn't have so many responsibilities.
i should be having a raging party, instead i have baths, drink wine, eat cheese.... actually, that's way better.

post graduate blues

ah... so we meet again. study.

and so goes the repetitive journey of procrastination, of facebook, checking the fridge 5 times, eating, reading books not related to said topic and finishing said book, blogging, walking aimlessly around the house, checking the letterbox doing anything than the assignment at hand.

why oh why did i think it was a good idea to commence my clinical honours? maybe because it sounded easier than it is, that most of it was already done, that ill get a formal certificate at the end and credits towards a graduate diploma (more study.what?), that no one else will have one but the girls i'm doing my GNP with...that i don't already have so much to think about and do.

come to think of it, i only have 3 months or so until this program is over, i will no longer be the baby of the hospital, ill have grown into a toddler... walking, talking, learning to know what it all means!
however i do only have until Monday to complete this darn assignment. 1000 words they say, its easy they say, well it actually isn't so bad once i figured out what i was doing and needed to write. i just dread the referencing part, probably because i was so bad at it all through my degree yet still managed to pass each assessment piece. miraculous when i look back on it..
never the less i must complete it and pass it now. so i'm rugged up on my new bed that im yet to sleep in, writing about my nursing care and the patients that i miss.

well i think that was about 20 minutes of procrastination ticked off the clock.
i shall have this finished before i have to pick up Esmerelda from the crash repair at 1700.
maybe.
probably not.
by tomorrow?

Babble

So this thailand overhaul thing ive got going is much harder than i expected. My diet as hard as im trying is still not the greatest and in jase's eyes im not trying hard enough. But the exercise thing is better, im finding it easier to go after work. I upgraded my gym membership to an all gyms pass. Alllowing me to go to any goodlife gym! Which means i can train and do classes with my friends another good form of motivation.
Last week i work 5 days straight attended the gym 5 times two of which were double classes. Im slowly getting stronger and building stamina on the treadmill, 2ks isnt as horrible as it used to be, i can run constantly on 9 and tonight managed 3ks. May seem like a small achievement but for me who could not run around the block before collasping in a heap, ill take all the small achievements i get!!

I got my frankie magazine, that subscribtion was the best present ever, and this month contained the calender for july and august! Annual leave baby! I could finally write in my annual leave and thailand trip woohoooo. It is the best feeling ever! Im getting a little excited now its just over a month until i go on annual leave which also brings sadness because that means my rotation on st helens will soon be over. Its so nice to hear so many of the girls want me to come back there after my recovery stint. Im hoping to go back too but on another 12month contract between st helens and our chemo suite. I think oncology is where i want to be, i love the area and the patients! I dont think i could or really want to work anywhere else. Keep your fingers crossed for me to get the position! Well it will be nice to sleep in for a bit tomorrow but ill still be up early to train and bake a cake for one of my favourite nurses birthdays last saturday.

Ni,night x

another year...

death is such a hard thing to deal with, yet its the most natural thing.
oh how time flies by.
the past becomes nothing but a fleeting memory.
some we gladly let go, others we hold on so tight to and yet they slip through our fingers like sand.
3 years. a lot can happen in 3 years.
love lost, love gained and then lost again.
looking at a person who seems to be a figment of your imagination because they have changed so much.
the feeling is odd. like your reflection changing and casting a different image back at you.
yet there are others that hold you strong.
you realise that losing the battle was hard but it was necessary to win the war.
and then, you. still in my heart.
it hurts sometimes. the sharp stabbing pain of reality.
that you are not here.
how many times i wish i could have taken your place.
or wished to join you.
my work now is done with you in my mind.
my care is thoughtful and respectful.
imagining you and your journey trying to, even just a little, make things a better.
your smile a little wider. your heart ache a little less.
wanting to pass on your light and love.
we often reminisce the times you looked after us.
the adventures we went on.
the memories we have made and that will forever be in our hearts.
you pop in our minds from time to time when we are together and warm us.
we look after him. still cause mischief where ever and when ever we can.
nothing had changed yet everything has.
i know he misses you dearly.
we all do.

Rosalie Anne Brink.
11.6.2010

Day2

Thailand overhaul began yesterday...
I figured i need to minimise the amount off ass im taking with me overseas. If its going to be hot and dress and short shorts will be the attire
whilst im away then i want to look damn good in it and increase my chaces of meeting and nabbing myself a cute foreigner on kontiki tour from
holand or germany or sweden [a girl can dream alright]
Anyway i started yesteday, i spoke with my housemate about the best way to 'get fit' by time august rolls around.
I need to train at least 3 times a week doing different things, plan my exercise for the week around my roster and do it.
As well as behaving my food cravings, which is even harder when its that time of the month.
So i thought id keep an online diary of my progress, hoping that i wont stray if other people are aware of it, i expect messages from those i know
to keep me on track.

As this discussion held place on tuesday my diary begins on a wednesday.
Wednesday; early shift
Breakfast, cereal with low fat milk
Morning tea, hudsons skim mocha [will need to cut these out] vanilla yoghurt and an organic museli bar
Lunch, peanut butter only on light rye bread, a banana
Dinner, homemade thai curry with brown rice, peppermint tea, 1 homemade anzac biscuit [whoops] 6 squares of organic dark chocolate [double whoops]it was my first day...
1.5 litre bottle of water
Exercise, 2ks on the treadmill under 15mins

Thursday; late shift
Breakfast, cereal with low fat milk
Lunch, to be a banana and mixed berry smoothie
Dinner, to be homemade thai curry with brown rice
1.5 litre bottle of water
Exercise, morning hike - mt lofty [1hr 45mins]

Wish me luck. x

right now is one of those moments i would rather curl up into a ball and cry, but unfortunately in the real work i have to put on my uniform and go to work.
today is not a day i want to be dealing with my patients crap (both kinds)
i love my job, i really do. but like everyone else i have a career with perks and things i do not enjoy.
i feel for my patients however some just like to suck the life right out of you, like a dementor from harry potter.
my dream last night was one of those dreams where you get upset, so much infact that your body actually reacts to it. im not sure if i woke up from crying or the sheer shock of my emotions towards my dream, but i felt compelled to do something about my dream and the person in it, i awoke to already have message from said person deflating any feeling i had towards changing our situation..
the person in question; my dad.
yes boo hoo a girl with daddy issues. however i have had to deal with this sadistic and self absorbed person my whole life so i get to have a little whinge on the matter.
but after tears and a conversation with my conscience (renee) i slowly realised no one is perfect and my guilt ridden dream was that.. a dream. my illusions for a relationship with my father are built on nothing but false hope. something i need to learn to control and as sad as it may be, we will never share anything close to what my mind and heart wish for.
so instead i wiped my tears, complained with the sister, listened to M.Ward (and fell in love with him a little deeper) and put my miserable mood to good use. baking.
the house now smells like biscuits and im having to get ready for work...
thoughts from a distraught child learning that big girls dont cry and daddy's arent superheroes (at least mine isnt) something if i think about i realised a long, long time ago.

this is 24.

so its 36 minutes past midnight and it is no longer my birthday..
i have now been 24 for 1 day and 36 minutes.
its not so bad. i was secretly hoping that my face would clear up all its late pubescent pimple breakouts
ive been having lately. unfortunately this was not the case.
instead i woke several times in the early hours of the morning scared that i would sleep through my alarm...
i shall tell you why this is a little tale of my first day as a 24 year old... woman? lady? < i get called those once i turn 25 right? or was that when i turned 21? i dont really feel like a woman... they are responsible and have their lives under control for the most part which i have not yet mastered sooo lets go with lady..
a day in the shoes of a newly turned 24 year old lady.

my morning was rudely interrupted by my body clock first deciding that it was time to rise and shine at the time i normally would if i was working an early shift... 0515. yuck. the sun doesnt even want to rise that early. trust me.

 and this is what a 24 year old looks like at 0730 in the morning on her birthday...for some reason the weather decided to bless with me with a warm day. its autumn. a very unexpected but also welcome change.

so i had patch work dreams until my techno mix of an alarm sounded at 0700.
i had 30minutes to get my self together and then drive into the city to be the good person that i am, and donate a whole 470ml of blood.
up side i got a birthday card, a mug, fridge magnet and some chocolates (which were melba's, this isnt a bad thing but haiges is like right next door.. so that would have been nicer, heads up red cross)
down side getting jabbed by a nurse that asked me if i was alright several times in between speaking with a fellow nurse about the house she was building. not the best bed side or should i say chair side manner i have encountered at the blood centre but the bruise she gave me was a winner.

after a quick refreshment i had to attend to my other lady duties like grocery shopping so i had some food in the house and also had to buy in bulk all the lady things i need for that time of the month. waking up on your birthday realising youre out of EVERYTHING is the worst, most scary feeling, luckily i have an emergency stash in my car. crisis avoided thank goodness! <sorry boys.
so with blood coming from what felt like everywhere, and also having the emotions running extra high today i thought a spending spree on clothes would be a fantastic idea... which it was duh. new clothes are awesome!
so i have a few new outfits appropriate for a 24 year old which made my heart warm, in between the lovely and quirky messages i received from friends via facebook and text this morning. which was nice.

my next stop was a my mothers house. to hang out there with my puppy before heading to the doctors to get some much needed scripts. (i know right i do all the best and most fun things on my birthday)

ruby..naaawwwwww

doing this wasnt an issue for me... waiting the hour and a half to be called was... its a new record for him thats for sure.
my plans for the afternoon were to see the exhibition at the art gallery on the work of Turner which included some art work from the Tate Gallery in England. Fancy i know.

As we were beginning the guided tour and heading into the second 'era' of his work i had the most overwhelming feeling... i wanted to faint... well i didnt want to, i wanted to listen and learn... but my body, nope it wanted me on the floor. after many times to try and compose myself, i failed. i sat on the floor for a good amount of time. then had to lie on the floor when that stopped working and proceeded to listen to the door man tell me to shut my eyes and think of somewhere nice, like the beach... i was feeling dizzy not having an anxiety attack. luckily i have a sister with a big mouth that said, shes okay, shes a nurse which shut him up quick smart.
well as i was on the floor i realised i hadnt had any lunch as i was waiting for my doctor at that time.
and after having close to half a litre of blood drained from my body... it would be lacking in a few essential ingredients that i had not yet replenished fully from my nut bar and diet coke from earlier.. like salt, sugar and water! safe to say once i fixed what made me feel like a diabetic having a hypoglycaemic attack i finished experiencing the beautiful artwork and history of this famous artist.

I thankfully got myself home in once piece to relax for a little bit, have a shower, freshen up and get ready for dinner with my darling friends. My auntie stace and uncle mark visited me at my house which was lovely.

scored myself a bed, bath and table voucher... hello new towels.. or quilt cover.. or any amazing home wares i dont really need! dinner was at kintaro sushi bar on the parade. we introduced kevin to foods he had yet to explore or rather refused to eat. he was happily surprised i think.
then we had a little bit of time to waste before going and seeing iron man 3 *swooooon; robert downy jr!
sooo we took a little walk down to the local pub to have a drink but mainly to play citadels.
yes we were the nerdy group in the corner booth playing card games! but this is why i love my friends so, because they had this game with them, ready to go!

so finishing up my night on a high, drooling over tony stark and his dry sarcasm was probably the best. i also got to end it with my most favourite people that i love and adore. so this birthday actually hasnt been too bad. im a pretty lucky girl when i think about it. even if im now 24.

(late update because my computer froze last night at 1am ugh)

Long time no post

My neglect of posting has been despicable. But i am currently lying on my bed, candles lit, onesie on (even if the weather does not permit the need for such attire) and not needing to fight for sleep between getting into bed at quarter past eleven to only wake again at quarter past five the next morning. Such shifts are the reason why i have patients say 'oh goodmorning werent you here last night?' And my answer always is... i live here. This was what i signed up for when i decided to be a nurse.
But really i love my job. It has just thrown a few curve balls at me, some i hit a home run, some slam me hard in the face and make me want to cry, others i get frustrated with when i strike out and no matter what shift i have they all leave me tired and emotional... well so far.
Ive been on a high for so long, getting a feel for my new role, making new friends and collegues, still attempting to have some what of a social life that i forget to stop, breathe, collect my thoughts and remember i have a life where i need to relax and look after me, because lets face it at the moment no one else is going to do it for me.
My mind and life is a tangled ball of wool at the moment that is slowly starting to unravel as i learn my role and settle into an environmnt filled with wonderful people doing magical things for other wonderful people. I have been so lucky thus far to experience what i have, absorb the knowledge i have be taught and meet the beautiful people, sick, fighting or dying, that will forever have an impact on my life.
I get to speak to, care for and learn about a persons journey all on one shift. Some things i have learnt from my patients will always hold a special place in my heart. Life is not something you take for granted, you fight for it, you learn from it and should appreciate it. Get out of it all you can before you no longer can. Dont play games, not hate or absorb your time into toxic activities or people. We are not programmed to please everyone, so stop trying, do what makes you happy, care for the ones you love and love you in return, be open to new things. Smile. Cry. Get angry. Live.
I need to remember to do these things too, i get caught up in other peoples dramas, caring for my patients, worrying about work and my committments and i need to breathe. Let go of things from time to time. Changes in life can be difficult, i like to think im pretty aware of important things in my life, but im not perfect. We all make mistakes.
Sometimes though when you do stop and inspect your life, things may not be as you want them or how they appear. We all what it all, hoping one day we will get what we ache for. A new start, a second chance, life, love. I might be missing a few things but i make up for them until my day arrives. I know and love some of the best people in the world. Hope breeds eternal misery, my sister wrote that on facebook, a singleton also, she is right. But if you dont have hope you have nothing. Pretty lonely situation and a bit of a catch 22 if you ask me. I guess all you can do is appreciate what you have and leave it to fate. And dont be rude, rude people erk me.
Also apologies for the world vomit of condensed words... tablet post. Has taken me forever, touch screens suck. Love .x

tegan & sara

Heartthrob on repeat. This one stuck (hit close to home)

I can't say that I'm sorry
Get so ahead of myself
I can't say that I'm sorry
For loving you and hating myself

I had nothing to show you
I had nothing to hold you down
It's killing me to walk away

How come you don't want me now?
Why don't you want to wait this out?
How come you always lead me on,
Never take my call, hear me out?
Why don't you want to win me now?
Why don't you want to show me off?
Tell me why you couldn't try,
Couldn't try and keep me here

I see you by my house
Walking with a different girl
I see you by my house
Talking with a different girl

She's got nothing to show you
She's got nothing to hold you down
You're killing me to walk away

How come you don't want me now?
Why don't you want to wait this out?
How come you always lead me on,
Never take my call, hear me out?
Why don't you want to win me now?
Why don't you want to show me off?
Tell me why you couldn't try,
Couldn't try and keep me here

One day soon
I will be the one to insult you
Someday soon
I will be the one to insult you

How come you don't want me now?

How come you always lead me on,
Never take my call, hear me out?

Why don't you want to win me now?

Tell me why you couldn't try,
Couldn't try and keep me here

How come you don't want me now?
Why don't you want to wait this out?
How come you always lead me on
Never take my call, hear me out?
Why don't you want to win me now?
Why don't you want to show me off?
Tell me why you couldn't try,
Couldn't try and keep me here?

weekly rambles

soooo ive been trying my best to stick to my 'year of yes'
saying yes to everything! within my limits and morals of course.
looking back on this year so far i have...
-been spending quality time with my best friend.
-baking for my friends and family
-climbing mt lofty more 'regularly'
-trying to attend each monday night pump class and do my own workout if i cant attend pilates on friday mornings.
-attended the crush wine festival
[crossing off going to handorf and a wine tour on my bucket list in one day :D]
-paid for my first overseas holiday
-spending more time with my sister
-going to food places such as the mac factory
-saw the amazing sarah blasko at the festival theatre supported by the adelaide symphony orchestra
-attended laneway festival and experienced the amazing tunes of my favourite bands.
-attended a pre-fringe party to support a friend venue
-completed my very first bootcamp session.
and the list will be continuing.

some of those things may not seem very big but after finishing uni i have realised now how consumed i was by my degree.
its a pretty intense course and i thought i coped pretty well balancing social life and study.
but reality is, living with little money and focusing on passing did make it really hard to catch up with friends and family.
i know the next year is also going to be crazy with work.
i am however determined to make this year the best year, by saying yes and making the effort to do things!
i plan on going to the fringe parade, i know it will be crazy but ive never been so im excited to get involved.
i will also see more fringe events this year. i love this time of year and the fringe, the atmosphere is amazing.
i would be stupid not to take advantage of it!

so this past week has been crazy! i feel like i havent stopped.
i spent time back home with my mum and sister.
looking after my grandparents by taking them to the doctors.
its at times like those that i realise how they are getting/are old.
they arent going to be around forever and its a thought i cant even fully comprehend.
my nanna is such a big part of my life. her name is tattooed on the back of my neck.
i dont know what i would do without her. (the thought is making me tear up even now)
but im sure i have plenty more years to enjoy their company and make memories.
they arent going anywhere any time yet, or as im told.
i would love to be married and have a child before they pass.
something that i of course have no control over..
life does work in mysterious ways.

on friday night i headed into the city for the laneway festival and by golly gosh i had a glorious time!
it was spent with amazing friends and listening/watching some truly wonderful bands!
the rubens and bat for lashes were by far my most favourites parts of the night.
im a little heartbroken i could see ms mr.. due to a clash with bat for lashes.
saturday night i spent with a friend rosie at another friends pre-fringe party. seeing teasers of a few acts and supporting the venue, harry's bar.
it was a really lovely night and even though we didnt head out afterwards i had alot of fun!

and now tonight is the night. the last night before i start work.
i have my apprehensions about it all but i think im more excited to have it begin.
finally ill be starting the career that i studied [slogged it out] at university for the past three years.
its a weird feeling to actually have your future begin.
to have something in life which is hopefully stable and in an area i love.
im excited for the new adventure with all the challenges i will have to overcome.
but i am in the best hands of my graduate coordinator nadia.
im truly lucky to have such a wonderful person and nurse to look up to and lean on in the year next.
i couldnt ask for anything more!

i now plan on spending the night on the couch, watching dirty dancing.
and i cant think of a better way i want to end my holidays.
i just wish my lady was here to join me, but alas she is off on a glorious adventure with her beautiful boyfriend in the land of the hobbits [new zealand]
i am loving the little facebook messages she has sent me with descriptions of the wonderful things they are doing and experiencing.
she planned an amazing trip so i wouldnt expect anything less than good reports.
selfishly i cant wait for her to be back!

well until we meet again, which could be god knows when.

oh dear.

$5000 credit card + myself, well it wasnt always going to be the greatest idea.
but im proud to say ive been pretty tame (- impala ey)
[got my hands on their recent album and my ears love it]
the point of it was to pay for myself and my sister's trip to thailand in august.
which i am happy to say is confirmed and paid for. boo yah!
first overseas holiday. im a little excited, a little less excited than my original plan to go to europe
BUT still exciting none the less.
apart from those few thousands dollars put on my little piece of silver plastic.
i have also purchased a bottle of wine from the lane vineyard which was visited by myself and my darling ladies when we ventured to the crush wine festival in the beautiful adelaide hills. [photos to come]
a ruby red cab merlot im excited to open and share one night with of my ladies...
[probably abby she is a red drinker where my darling renee is not]
i also regrettably (but not really) ventured onto the book depository
and in 7-10 working days ill have these little gems in my hot little hands.
-the perks of being a wallflower [jackson is way to unreliable and i kind of wanted my own copy due to my extreme love for the story which is probably not obvious enough... i love it. alot.]
-the great gatsby, the aim is the read it before i see the baz lurman production on the big screen
- candide by voltaire  i love his words from the small fraction that i have read and thought i was about time i took my head out of the rabbit hole and buried it into the pages of his work.
-looking for alaska... bit of a random pick, was on the best sellers list and thought it sounded good.

i have remembered to keep a running tally/list of all the books i read this year.
that way ill be able to confidently say the number and which books my mind consumed in 2013 :)

anyone who has read anything exciting, thrilling, daring, sickly romantic or any classic that i must read! please.. comment and let me know!!
im always keen to get a feel for what other people enjoy reading..

the alchemist is on my to read list also...
[my to do list in 2013 is coming to a blog post near you (on here) soon, like even maybe my next one.]

logan.

this boy.
wowzers.
i think ive always been a little biased towards him since percy jackson and the lightening thief
and maybe because i think he looks similar to my baby cousin brock.. in a non weird way.
my secret love for this boy was cemented when he played my favourite musketeer, d'artagnan.
none the less. my heart was warmed and ached for him in his character of charlie in the perks of being a wallflower.
this book has been on my to read list for a long time, im still yet to read it but after seeing this movie
im more determined to get my hands on a copy (my darling jackson's copy to be specific)

if you havent read it, seen it or even heard of it. the story is about a boy, charlie, who is a little out of the ordinary, doesnt seem to 'fit' in and we find out why he is mysteriously shy and has this cute nativeness about him at the end of the story.
he meets and becomes friends with two 'misfit' teens a year older than him. we learn about their stories and what makes them different, following them through the year.
it pulls at the heart strings a little, makes you giggle, makes you cry and really makes you realise youre not all that different yourself.

go watch it, even if its to stare at logan's sweet face.

image link

image link 

i got distracted...

19.1.13 ~ delicious

20.1.13 ~ what you saw

21.1.13 ~ what you do

22.1.13 ~ corner

23.1.13 ~ electric

24.1.13 ~ stripes

25.1.13 ~ landscape (of my bedroom before going out)

26.1.13 ~ together

27.1.13 ~ sun (fun in..)

28.1.13 ~ through

29.1.13 ~ grow(ing too fast)

30.1.13 ~ down 

31.1.13 ~ yourself

little seeds of wisdom

~ Satisfaction always thrives in very full active lives.

from a book of emily dickinson poems a dear friend gave to me..

572
delight - becomes pictorial -
when viewed through pain -
more fair - because impossible
that any gain -

the mountain - at a given distance -
in amber - lies -
approached - the amber flits - a little -
and that's - the skies -

17,18

after embarrassing having to google how to join two images in photoshop, something you would have thought i would have remembered in year 10 graphics where i lived on the program...

yet i have got a little creative with my image for the day.

17.1.13 ~ ready (ready to get my revenge on the boys)

18.1.13 ~ shadow. well shadowy dancing.

16

16.1.13 ~ two things (to help with my lady pains)

cake!

cross legged on the floor,
in front of the tv, love actually playing. (i missed watching it christmas time on tv)
drinking peppermint tea, cuddling my heat bag.
nights like this are not normally welcome.
but including small indulgences gets me through,
the pain. oh the pain of being female!
i know there are plenty of women out there nodding their heads in agreement.
what gets you through your monthly week of torture?

well apart from that small negative..
there have been several positives.
i conquered my friends birthday cake. (and cleaned, 1950's housewives eat your heart out)
chocolate with chocolate mint icing, flake middle and white kitkat boarder.
first attempt and it paid off. smiles all round!
i left myself plenty of time to bake, but i still felt under the pressure of the master chef's clock.
lucky i love to bake so much and..
i am so in love with my friends chocolate cake recipe.
its moist and chocolately goodness is to die for!

so this is nikki's chocolate cake.

1 1/3 cups of plain flour
1 teaspoon bicarb soda
1/3 cup cocoa
1 cup caster sugar
1 cup milk
2 eggs
125g butter, melted
1 teaspoon vanilla essence

~preheat the oven to 180 degrees C
lightly grease a cake pan and line with baking paper

~sift flour, bicarb soda and cocoa into a bowl
stir through sugar

~mix milk, eggs, butter and vanilla essence in a separate bowl or jug

~add wet to dry ingredients
beat on low to combine, then medium for 3-4 minutes
**careful not to over beat the mixture.

~pour mixture into prepared pan
bake for 40 minutes
cool in pan for 5 minutes before turning onto a wire rack
and ta dah! amazing chocolate cake.
decorate as pleased.

here is a little picture archive of my day...

Friends-Family Dinner and Cake.

Chef Renee

Baker Skye

photos below were taken on my phone, i forgot my camera.

the silly bugger.

i love birthdays!