.them.

their words fill every part of my being...

uncharted - sara bareilles

turning tables - adele

.take it all.

the breeze from the sea passes over her body,

and with her toes in the sand she begins to let it wash her away.

the sound of the waves crashing on the shore,

returning to sea with everything she wants to leave her.

her tears blend in with the water.

each shell sitting beside her contains a piece of her pain,

they are dragged along the sand with the pull of the tide.

away from her body, leaving only marks in the sand.

she fills her lungs with the ocean air,

the chill runs down her spine,

every thought in her head disappears.

the sun watches over her,

slipping in and out from between the clouds,

warming her skin before it falls behind the horizon.

why can't it always be like this?

the calmness that overwhelms her body will evaporate on the drive home.

this place with all its hidden memories is safe,

nothing else matters here.

here there are no games, no winning or losing,

no lies, no pain or hurt lingering in the shadows.

its an open space with a view to get lost in.

the tears that run down her face here are her release,

she recovers from them here.

they are invisible scars that cut into her cheeks anywhere else,

but not here.

she quietly promises to the fading sun that tomorrow will be different,

it will be ok.

she will be fine without them.

she wishes it was all a dream,

that she hadn't given all of herself for what seems now to be.. nothing.

the cold water from the rising tide reminds her its real,

its her battle, this is her life.

she wont give up trying,

she will climb higher, faster and stronger than ever before.

she is willing to take the risk.

.icky.

adelaide winter;
icky head.
hot bath, adele and chamomile tea;
slightly less icky head.
to snuggle up with a pillow, blanket and a movie;
fall asleep to wake with icky head again :(
[the cycle continues...]


icky thoughts;
simple as this...
you were not allowed to leave the way you did,
you had no right to walk out of life without an explanation.
you were my one person who i trusted,
now you're my one person who's memory breaks my heart.
the strength i have to smile,
swallow my pride and pretend im okay with it all,
its really all i have.
but i will walk away from this with a clear conscious,
what about you?

love and peace.
[icky] S x

.portia.

i finished reading this book a couple of weeks back.

and it has opened my eyes to a lot of things.

not just about weight issues but really about personal acceptance.

ive realised that everyone goes through their own battles,

weight issues, family issues, relationship issues, sexuality issues etc.

and its hard to accept yourself,

to believe the things that people say to you.

i had this conversation with a very good friend of mine last night [scott]

about life, fate, taking chances and risks, about love.

and about how advice is easy to give but harder to take/put into action.

im honest with all of my friends,

and im always there to support them.

when it comes to them doing so for me, i have a really hard time believing them.

not because i think they are lying, i just dont see it.

my self acceptance can be very low, ive realised this more after reading this book.

im not perfect, ive never pretended i am but at the same time i rarely

look in the mirror and see things i like.

everyone should be able to look at themselves and speak highly of themselves,

not because they are stuck up or selfish, but because self acceptance is important 

to be happy.

i can see the most wonderful things in all my friends and family.

i find it hard to see those things in me,

i think am a good person and i do my best to do good things.

i dont think im ugly but i dont believe im beautiful either [maybe on the inside?]

but no matter what i say, do, see, think, i deserve to be happy within myself and 

other people dont have the right to take that away from me.

i accept myself for who i am to an extent, and i can only hope that one day 

someone will see me for me,

and maybe i will be everything they ever wanted.

?

i dont need another person to be happy but its always nice to have that someone there,

to be called theirs.

i see it definitely happening for the ones i love but i think ill need to convince myself

a little more before i totally believe that i will have that [happy ending]

do yourself a favour and read this book.

she is a pretty amazing person.

next on my list is miranda kerr's book, treasure yourself.

love and peace,

S x

.dance competitions;

.bit and bobs.

a few of my favourite things;

.my favourite study snack.

.'bluebird' earing <3.

.flowerbomb, victor & rolf, courtesy of

Sam. > a long time ago.

.held close to my heart.

.my lucky penny.

.my peace rock from Noosa.

.lucky elephant from Thailand.

.dancer statue from my dance teacher 2010.

.my favourite frame with my favourite flower.

.my nanna and myself at my 21st birthday.

.made in Russia.

.my babies as babies.

RIP; charlie <3

.my darling nanna; leone.

.aged 19.

.pappa and nanna on their wedding day.

.most favourite wood postcard.

<3 raw space!

.jordan; my darling cousin.

.he turns 17 today.

.the most amazing gift from Ryan.

.i miss those times.

.princess <3.

.rimmel <3.

.new vintage coin purse from the Gillies St markets;

2011.

.if you're a bird,

then im a bird.

- noah; the notebook.

love and peace.

.monday's woes.

the talk last night is conflicting me,
why do i let him get into my head.
because he is one of the people i will miss the most?
[one of two]
i thought i knew what i wanted and what i needed to do.
i cant let these doubts cross my mind again,
i fight them constantly but i cant anymore.
i need to,
and to some extent i want to. right?
[believe in yourself]
im letting go.
and its the scariest thing ive ever considered,
to let go of this means i have to let go of everything.
to those i once called my family,
who i laughed with,
cried with,
made amazing memories with.
but really i dont belong there anymore.
[im not sure when i belong]
i have out stayed my welcome long enough.
these tears are my heat breaking as i try to walk away,
i hate this feeling but its time.
it will all start and end with one night,
one decision.
the results are a mystery...
[did i matter?]
i will miss you.

love and peace.

.the past.

i was looking at my old myspace tonight.
i was looking for a piece of writing that i thought may have been there.
its seems that it is not, so fingers crossed that i have it hidden on my computer,
somewhere because it is everything that describes my childhood.
the point of this was that, there were so many fun and quirky little things
that i had written on there.
everything was so care free, and the problems back them really seem like nothing.
nothing at all.
which makes me think about how everything that is happening now,
that seem so big, in the long run i will look back and think the exact same things
i do now about my past.
it was not just blog entries that make me giggle but replies and posts from my friends.
its nice looking back and reading those things,
its a reminder of what an awesome time i had as a teenager.
from the end of high school to learning to be a 'big girl'.
i appreciate all the experiences i have had.
it makes me smile looking back on those memories,
and how happy it makes me that im still close with a few of those people.
i am pretty lucky after all.
even if i forget it from time to time.


love and peace.


(like the photo in the post prior to this one,
this is a photo i took on my little sony camera.
this one is from last year while walking to my boyfriend at the time's work.
i loved it so much even if he wasnt as impressed, it brings back fond memories)

.that feeling... again.

i cannot wait for the day these feelings leave me,
when they fade or escape after being trapped in my body for so long.
until then its these moments that tear me apart,
i despise them with every part of my being.
to look across the room in your direction,
to only find you already looking at me.
i should be smiling but instead my heart falls.
all we see is each other, the room is empty and sound is absent,
i can tell by the look in your eyes that we both know what is happening.
we are both thinking the same thing.
its love;
its perfection;
its our forever;
its everything we ever wanted.
right in front of us, yet...
its never going to happen.
and well shall never know.
im dead inside.

.the writing i adore.

this is a piece of writing from my friends blog.
i ADORE his writing and his mind.
i am so lucky to know him and have such an amazing friendship.
we have known each other since highschool and he was nice enough
to allow me to re-post his latest piece of writing.


:D


sally-anne test
Skipping your red shoes on a sidewalk, cardboard box in hand,
Skipping away with someone else's mind, oh innocent Anne,
Sally's skipped down these same streets before with her blue shoes on,
If she believed she'd skip back to 'er house,
she'd be believin' wrong.
Oh, Anne you thief, you thieve belief,
You stole a young girls mind,
You took away the blue of her eyes, you took away her smile,
Oh, Anne, you see, socially, Sally never had the time,
Her mind as blank as her stare,
Her hands are as empty as mine.


Annie, ya creep round with a brain in a box,
Tiptoe your way back down to the bar,
You make the young boys all quiver and start, to think that maybe, you'd be theirs.
That you'd linger your kiss on their cheeks or lips,
Embraces meant for Sally's hips,
You take the young boys by ties and belts,
and lead them outside where their hands are felt,
On the back of your neck, on the tips of your ears,
A thief of belief, minds and boys without fears,
Oh, Anne, leaving Sally behind was a crime,
and carryin' her thoughts, distasteful, a sign,
of bad intentions, of poison hearts.

.4.

girl.


incense.


window.


camera.

.a new chapter, a new beginning.

i believe that life is a book and we write the story,
with a little help from [fate] and others entering and leaving our life.
we can create a new chapter and new beginning;
well whenever we please.
we take responsibility for our actions,
and who says we cant change things when we please (within reason)
i think its about time i take my own advice,
like most people im better at giving advice than taking it and putting it into action.


however i have had alot of time to think.
about myself, who i am, who i am not and who i want to be.
about my family and my friends.
about the past, present and future.
and i need to take that faithful leap and let go.
let go off all the things that are holding me down.
that are holding me back from being, simply, happy.
it will be hard,
probably harder than i anticipate, but in saying that;
i have been through hard times that i never thought i would survive.

im not scared or ashamed to say that i have thought that it would
be easier to leave this earth.
to set my soul free from its physical form.
i did not think these things because im weak, everything can take its toll at some point.
but its upto you to fight back and to live on, through all the good and bad.
which is what i chose to do.
i felt this way because i let other people let me feel this way.
i let myself to be used as a door mat, to be walked all over and not say a word about it.
i then in turn decided that enough was enough, and in doing so life has revealed to me those who are true and those who are not.


i was and to be honest still am, going through the motions of my choices and my wanting to be happy and loved for me.
it was not because i was selfish. not because i was rude. and not even because i finally realised my own worth.
but because i chose to live life, take chances and live with no regret.
this clashed with other peoples views and it is there right to have their own views,
however it is my right to do what i choose and decide whos advice i take and use,
and whos advice i disagree with.
i understood fully what other people wanted of me and it was their closed minded views
which forced them to completely ignore what i wanted.
i am working hard to get back to a frame of mind where i can accept myself again.
to look in the mirror and be content in what i see.
to be repair the damage that my ora has under gone these past months.
no one (including myself) deserves the treatment of harsh words and actions that others
are so easy to provide without thought or compassion or just to make them feel better about themselves.
i have never before let anyone make me feel so self worthless as i have this year,
to make me question everything i stand for and want out of life.
to make me think that i do not deserve to be happy or be in love.


[[im so lucky that have not had to go through this alone, 
i am so grateful and have so much love for my family; especially my sister, my two amazing aunties and miss shona that know me inside and out. 
that snapped me back to reality on more than one occasion and force me to remind myself that i am so much more than i think.
also to my gorgeous friend who has the kindest heart i have met.]]


i have suffered from the words people speak of me, where they may only know my name,
not who i am.
they may have only listened to what i have done, but do not know my story.


i realised now that i do not want to be a person to sit by and watch as something like this happens to someone else, to someone i love and care about.
everyone has emotions and a heart.

[a heart that beats and that breaks the same as the next. that feels, wants, needs and loves. yet on lookers shadow their compassion.]


{eyes that can see what others are capable of, yet they look away.}


[ears that hear the words, the rumours and yet they turn away from the sound.]


{a brain with their own thoughts and that understands the repercussions of these actions and words, yet they put it to the back of their mind.}


[and the worst part is that they have a mouth;
a mouth that can speak up and say that its wrong what others are doing, yet they either join in or worse.... they say nothing.
they do nothing.
they do not get involved, because it is not their problem....
there is a difference between it not being your problem and not standing up for someone because you're sacred to stand alone.]


i will not be that person.


i still love and appreciate the people in my life that know my story personally and have not said anything. i do not look down on them for their actions or lack of actions.
because everyone is different and it does not make them bad people.
i know i am too forgiving and that may have added to my current situation,
but im not going to turn into someone i dont like and dont want to be.
i have not forced anyone to change for the sake of me or my thoughts,
so how is it fair that they asked that of me and walk away when i say no?


i am drying my tears, mending my heart and putting my trust in those i know i can trust.
i have learnt so many things,
and i am so lucky to have been through everything i have.
as hard as it has been i am so proud of who i am,
and that i have not lowered my standards to those around me, just to satisfy them
i refuse take your bait,
i will not let you take advantage of me anymore.
you can say and do as you please and will do that same.
i will no longer let you make me feel small,
while you sit there on your pedestal, looking down on others like you are better than them.
you are no better than me.
i dont wish anything bad to happen to you, that you walk a mile in my shoes,
because no one deserves to feel the way i have, not even as karma.
although i now appreciate things so much more.
i just hope one day you can realise your mistakes, your negative energy and turn it around.
do something useful with your words and actions instead of putting down others to make yourself feel better.


maybe one day?


i hope others that have been through similar things can relate to my (less than detailed) story and i hope you have had the strength to get through your darkest days.
that you can now smile and feel content.
because it is not selfish to want to do things for you and think about yourself from time to time. its your inner happiness that can help others through their tough times.
i believe a free and happy ora is one of the most beautiful things you can own.
so this is why the beginning of a new chapter in my life begins today.
it consists of drinking tea, burning incense, listening to music, singing, dancing and cleaning my room. (haha less desirable thing to do, but reality is it must be done, once again)


i will try to bring happiness and positivity to everything i do.
im not perfect, i know i will relapse but i will remind myself of the joys in life and why my life is actually pretty amazing! :)
being angry, sad and down is apart of life, embrace it, cry, breathe, let all the negative energy out and replace it will positive energy.
things can always get better, you never know what is waiting around the corner.


love and peace.
S

.on another note.

i spent my time in the rain today,
camera in hand letting the rain fall my face.
the chill of the water ran down my back,
goosebumps rose along my arms and legs.
lost in my own world, gazing at the horizon,
quizical looks on the faces passing by.
umbrellas in hand,
or sheltered from the weather by their car.
i didnt need anything more at that moment in time,
nothing more than to stand on the side of the road.

but you would have made it;
perfect.

.my one true love.

...FRANKIE! [click me to visit]


oh how i love thee.
i was 2 weeks late in purchasing thee,
which made me a sad panda.
but i turned that frown upside down today!
its the days where; its raining out side, i have a hot shower/bath,
light my favourite candles, pour a glass of wine and have a flick through
my favouritest of all time magazine; that i like the most. {favourite!}
these are the days i adore.


i have already been frantically looking up all the amazing things 
the i find between the covers on the internet;

.gorgeous tote bag.

.ah wine cooler/cozie.

all by Oh Leander

.i want these so much.

.pretty pretty design that would

match my purple wall. :)

courtesy of Showpony 

i saw this bag in the magazine and fell in love,

i am determined to own one of these;

love in the form of a bag;

wishful thinking

just a small taste of the things i will be dreaming about tonight.

ah frankie only if a boy was as reliable as you to make me feel

whole again <3

love always, Skye.x