after a few wines i find my mind beginning to wander,
from how being single may not be the be all and end all of me.
that i might have something to offer as a single entity.
to how lucky i am, that even though i may not have a man in my life that i am exclusively romantic with,
i actually have several men and boys in my life that i laugh and make memories with and who simply love me for me.
i dont need that one person to justify who i am or what i can accomplish in this life.
i, myself, am the only person who can do that and i do so with a lovely and wonderful support team of friends and family behind me.
i am soon to take my first steps into being that independent person (woman) i claim to be, and to live in a home of my own with a friend that i adore.
its an exciting and scary step but its one that ive wanted to take for a while now.
i guess its small in the scheme of things but its exciting non the less.
and i will listen to what my cards tell me.
- that i have lost and slowly started to regain my self-worth
i am currently living in a phase of serenity and growth
and that my future will be filled with meditation (me time), a miracle (my surprise) and of healing from my past challenges.
something i look forward too and who knows maybe next year sometime i will have a special someone to call my own instead of my summer romances which seem to walk in and out of my life each summer season...

.sunny sunday.

i dont believe you need a lot of material things to be happy. i agree that it can make your misery more comfortable but only to a certain extent;

being warm and crying would be a lot better than sitting outside in the cold and crying.

in saying that ive thought a lot about the personal objects that we love more than anything, they are normally small inanimate objects that we closely relate to a particular person or memory.

so really its the people in our lives that makes us happy, not the objects.

well i know this is old news, but i think we sometimes forget these simple things.

i do imagine myself living a life that involves the people i love, doing the things i love.

much like how im spending this lovely sunday afternoon.

im fortunate enough to have a semi clear sky, with the sun shinning and the birds singing.

so i sit here by the grass with my fake raybans on, a teapot of my favourite tea and a much loved magazine, in perfect bliss letting my mind wander.

as much as dreaming of an amazing house with gadgets and everything i could possibly want to fill it and make it feel like a home is something most people dream of also,

i find that my mind wanders and conjures up images of a small vintage style house, with a big coloured front door.

filled with all my prized and most loved possessions, mostly things i have been handed down from friends and family.

mismatched furniture, cushions and colour schemes, far from the organised and modernised living spaces we see pictured on television and in magazines.

i would be quiet content saving my money to spend on holidays with the ones i love, or just being able to buy small gifts that i know they would love and appreciate, rather than on fancy things that will no doubt collect dust and go 'out of fashion'.

i could drink from old (yet clean) jars instead of crystal glasses and have my everyday dishes comprise of different shapes, colours and sizes.

frames with photographs of my favourite memories lining the walls, and incense burning.

just to simply have a place that feels like home,to entertain and most importantly relax in.

where i can feel the breeze and sun on my skin and feel completely content with life.

much like i do now.

and most importantly, if the world sees fit, that i one day maybe share this life with someone important that i would call mine for the rest of my life.

to grow and change together and to experience what life has to offer.

life doesnt need to be complicated, just simply contain the things and people that make us happy and help us grow and learn through out the time where life challenges us.

love and peace. x

'no more dreaming like a girl so in love,

with the wrong world'

                              - blinding;

                                                         florence and the machine.

? ?

we do things together.
things that keep me company,
things that keep my mind busy.
we do all the things i should be doing with you;
laughing,
talking until the sun rises,
watching movies,
going on adventures,
and making memeories together.


..but i do not let him kiss my lips,
or touch me like i would let you.
his hands are not your hands,
and his smile is not your smile.
he holds me when i need him to,
but im not home.
[im not sure where home is any more..]
i feel comfort and warmth with him,
but not the fireworks.
he is a friend,
but not yet my best friend.
he feels like a stranger,
where you were not.
i wonder who you do these things with?
who makes you laugh,
and keeps you company?
do you let her touch your heart,
do you let her in?
is she just your friend,
to hold you when you need to be held
just to feel the warmth?


is she your forever?
or your for the time being?
much like my friend,
who is trying his hardest,
just to keep my mind of you.
its not fair,
but he does not seem to mind.
not for the time being,
but he is not my forever.

.future.

i want a job i love,
that will give me money to buy a house.
a big house,
that i can fill with amazing art work.
the rooms will have tall windows,
where i can sit and let the light shine on me.
[where i can feel free and at home all at once]
a place where i can relax, sit and think,
to have people over and laugh and eat with.
i want to have a house that is filled with good vibes,
that smells of incense and you can hear the birds song in the morning.
i want to fill this house with love, peace and happiness,
to share it with someone special.
someone whom i care so deeply about
and they feel the same in return.
where we have no thoughts to leave or run away,
but to sit comfortably in each others company to watch the sun set.
to make love and be in love,
to fight because we care not because we dont.
to be able to share all our happiest moment with friends and family,
i want everyday be a new adventure, with new hope and spirit.
[i want this house, this place and this life.]


~


i want a person i that loves me,
that holds me close never willing to let me go.
that isnt waiting for the right timing
or to see if it will work.
that wont keep me a secret,
and hide our friendship or love from the world.
that will take the risk and be proud of me,
that is not ashamed to call me his and hold my hand.
i want someone who is thoughtful,
that cares enough to say whats on his mind.
[the good and the bad]
i want someone who is my best friend,
that i can talk to about anything.
that will do the small things because they matter most,
and will surprise me with the things i love.
that will make love to me and only me,
that wont lie or cheat.
who looks into my eyes,
and says he loves me [and means it]
i want someone who kisses my forehead before we sleep,
and who does care what i look like in the morning.
someone that wants to stay in and watching movies with me,
that wants to cook dinner together.
that does anything to make me smile,
because thats the most beautiful part of a person.
someone that wants to go out and be proud to sit next to me,
to show me off to his friends.
i want someone who wants me for me,
with the good and the bad,
and will do anything to make me his.
- i want all of this because this is everything and more that i would do.
no hesitations,
no regrets.
[ill keep dreaming]

.3.

i want to fall asleep to your breathing,
listening to your heart beat.
warmth radiating from you body,
and the rain outside.
.
falling asleep to know ill wake to your face,
sweet and calm sleep consuming you.
no where else i would want to be,
and the only place i belong.
.
i will never let you go,
i will always be there to catch you.
just call my name,
and i will come running.
.
no matter what happens,
or what words have been said.
no matter how much time passes us by,
im there.

[i love you]
forever and always.

.2.

it reminds me of summer 2009-2010 <3


[And hey darling
I hope you're good tonight
And I know you don't feel right when I'm leaving
Yeah I want it but no I don't need it
Tell me something sweet to get me by
'Cause I can't come back home till they're singing

La, la la la la la la

'Til everyone is singing

La, la la la la la la
If you can wait till I get home
Then I swear to you
That we can make this last
(La la la)
If you can wait till I get home
Then I swear come tomorrow
This will all be in our past
Well it might be for the best

And hey sweetie
Well I need you here tonight
And I know that you don't want to be leaving me
Yeah you want it but I can't help it
I just feel complete when you're by my side
But I know you can't come home 'til they're singing

La, la la la la la la

'Til everyone is singing

La, la la la la la la

If you can wait till I get home
Then I swear to you
That we can make this last
(La la la)
If you can wait till I get home
Then I swear come tomorrow
This will all be in our past
Well it might be for the best

You know you can't give me what I need
And even though you mean so much to me
I can't wait through everything

Is this really happening?

I swear I'll never be happy again
And don't you dare say we can just be friends
I'm not some boy that you can sway
We knew it'd happen eventually

La, la la la la la la

Now Everybody's singing
La, la la la la la la]


                                   -if it means a lot to you;
                                    a day to remember


this video is not the video for the song (they did not make one)
but im adding it just to listen. :)

.1.

you dont have to have an account to comment,
i would love to read your thoughts about anything,
my blog,
about your favourite things,
about life in general :)


love and peace.

.lucky.

i can be sad,
i know i write many sad things,
but things are actually pretty awesome.


i am very lucky and happy girl.
i have the most amazing people in my life.
i love and appreciate them all so much.

love and peace.

.its just that...

'i was just another promise that you couldn't keep'
                                                                   - i heard it's the softest thing ever;
                                                                     a day to remember.


i listen to this song, to the lyrics,
and i can relate to every word;
no matter how strong, wise and patient you think you are...
you can't always run escape from the 'bad things'.
you can't control other people;
their emotions,
their actions,
and especially the words that escape from their mouths to crush you,
to keep their own heads above water.
they are the ones that are in the wrong,
but will do everything within their power to blame you.


'just let me go for now ill be just fine, don't you know? don't you know?
now that im back on my own'


i lived without you once before,
i'm sure i can do it again.
i am back on my own and i'm smarter.
ill walk away from it all, time after time,
after being belittled, stared at, gossiped about, abused and blamed.
[for your wrong actions]
i have cried,
i have lost all faith in myself and pondered if your harsh words were true.
that if you could once speak highly of me and now speak so low of me...
what do i decipher as the truth and a lie?
i am having to deal with the repercussions of your mistakes,
all because you're not willing to.
[how is that fair]
when have i ever asked that of you?
is passing the blame really that easy to do,
than to take responsibility for your own actions.
[do you have a conscious?]
that method will only work for so long,
but you have taught me valuable lessons.
that friendship and love may not always be what it seems.


'i remember you, you took the easy way out when i gave you something to stand for'


turning and walking away may be easy for you,
but it was never easy for me.
i have seen and heard things that question my morals,
i did not judge or walk away nor speak ill of you because of such things.
yet you have the audacity to say i have no morals?
everyone has their own life experiences and make their own mistakes,
mine were not selfish or under minding.
[i guess that's what sets us apart]
it's unbelievable that i could call you a friend,
when i really had no idea who you are or what you could be.
i hope you don't hurt the ones that love you the most,
that trust you and believe in you.
maybe they don't know your past, have more faith,
or less belief in 'once a cheater, always a cheater?
you should remember what being with someone truly means.
[especially with that ring on your finger]


done and dusted.
love and peace.

.cant switch my mind off.

it breaks my heart,
it sends tears falling down from my eyes.
the blood rushes to my head,
it flushes my cheeks red.
[i want you here]
i want your smiling face,
your soft lips upon my forehead.
your arms around wrapped around me;
[where i belong]
i remember the first time i kissed your lips,
then fast forward to the last.
i remember thinking that this was goodbye.
my head and heart agreed on something for the first time in a long time,
but my heart is too stubborn.
it kept reminding my head of how much it loved you.
confiding our deepest and darkest secrets and emotions in each other
and with no effort at all.
falling harder and faster than ever before.
now we don't speak and all i want is to hear your voice;
[take me back there.]
to hold me, to tell me you will never let me go,
all i do is question it and what i need to do is let go.
[but i cant,
i hate it.]
i hate you for walking away,
that you were everything to me.
in such a short amount of time,
i never believed i would let you in so fast.
[and let you go so easy.]
i'm lost within myself, within my life,
my happiness doesn't depend on you,
but you brighten each of my days.
nothing matters with you beside me,
come home soon?
[please.]

a girl who wears her heart on her sleeve,

desperate for it to know better.

everyone sees it,

everyone feels it,

yet no one knows how to hold it.

to catch it when it falls,

to treasure it with love and care.

its been stood on,

cheated on,

broken into several tiny pieces.

[yet it still beats?]

it still trusts and hopes for another,

one to hold it in his hands...

and never let go.

{why?}

.them.

their words fill every part of my being...

uncharted - sara bareilles

turning tables - adele

.take it all.

the breeze from the sea passes over her body,

and with her toes in the sand she begins to let it wash her away.

the sound of the waves crashing on the shore,

returning to sea with everything she wants to leave her.

her tears blend in with the water.

each shell sitting beside her contains a piece of her pain,

they are dragged along the sand with the pull of the tide.

away from her body, leaving only marks in the sand.

she fills her lungs with the ocean air,

the chill runs down her spine,

every thought in her head disappears.

the sun watches over her,

slipping in and out from between the clouds,

warming her skin before it falls behind the horizon.

why can't it always be like this?

the calmness that overwhelms her body will evaporate on the drive home.

this place with all its hidden memories is safe,

nothing else matters here.

here there are no games, no winning or losing,

no lies, no pain or hurt lingering in the shadows.

its an open space with a view to get lost in.

the tears that run down her face here are her release,

she recovers from them here.

they are invisible scars that cut into her cheeks anywhere else,

but not here.

she quietly promises to the fading sun that tomorrow will be different,

it will be ok.

she will be fine without them.

she wishes it was all a dream,

that she hadn't given all of herself for what seems now to be.. nothing.

the cold water from the rising tide reminds her its real,

its her battle, this is her life.

she wont give up trying,

she will climb higher, faster and stronger than ever before.

she is willing to take the risk.

.icky.

adelaide winter;
icky head.
hot bath, adele and chamomile tea;
slightly less icky head.
to snuggle up with a pillow, blanket and a movie;
fall asleep to wake with icky head again :(
[the cycle continues...]


icky thoughts;
simple as this...
you were not allowed to leave the way you did,
you had no right to walk out of life without an explanation.
you were my one person who i trusted,
now you're my one person who's memory breaks my heart.
the strength i have to smile,
swallow my pride and pretend im okay with it all,
its really all i have.
but i will walk away from this with a clear conscious,
what about you?

love and peace.
[icky] S x

.portia.

i finished reading this book a couple of weeks back.

and it has opened my eyes to a lot of things.

not just about weight issues but really about personal acceptance.

ive realised that everyone goes through their own battles,

weight issues, family issues, relationship issues, sexuality issues etc.

and its hard to accept yourself,

to believe the things that people say to you.

i had this conversation with a very good friend of mine last night [scott]

about life, fate, taking chances and risks, about love.

and about how advice is easy to give but harder to take/put into action.

im honest with all of my friends,

and im always there to support them.

when it comes to them doing so for me, i have a really hard time believing them.

not because i think they are lying, i just dont see it.

my self acceptance can be very low, ive realised this more after reading this book.

im not perfect, ive never pretended i am but at the same time i rarely

look in the mirror and see things i like.

everyone should be able to look at themselves and speak highly of themselves,

not because they are stuck up or selfish, but because self acceptance is important 

to be happy.

i can see the most wonderful things in all my friends and family.

i find it hard to see those things in me,

i think am a good person and i do my best to do good things.

i dont think im ugly but i dont believe im beautiful either [maybe on the inside?]

but no matter what i say, do, see, think, i deserve to be happy within myself and 

other people dont have the right to take that away from me.

i accept myself for who i am to an extent, and i can only hope that one day 

someone will see me for me,

and maybe i will be everything they ever wanted.

?

i dont need another person to be happy but its always nice to have that someone there,

to be called theirs.

i see it definitely happening for the ones i love but i think ill need to convince myself

a little more before i totally believe that i will have that [happy ending]

do yourself a favour and read this book.

she is a pretty amazing person.

next on my list is miranda kerr's book, treasure yourself.

love and peace,

S x

.dance competitions;

.bit and bobs.

a few of my favourite things;

.my favourite study snack.

.'bluebird' earing <3.

.flowerbomb, victor & rolf, courtesy of

Sam. > a long time ago.

.held close to my heart.

.my lucky penny.

.my peace rock from Noosa.

.lucky elephant from Thailand.

.dancer statue from my dance teacher 2010.

.my favourite frame with my favourite flower.

.my nanna and myself at my 21st birthday.

.made in Russia.

.my babies as babies.

RIP; charlie <3

.my darling nanna; leone.

.aged 19.

.pappa and nanna on their wedding day.

.most favourite wood postcard.

<3 raw space!

.jordan; my darling cousin.

.he turns 17 today.

.the most amazing gift from Ryan.

.i miss those times.

.princess <3.

.rimmel <3.

.new vintage coin purse from the Gillies St markets;

2011.

.if you're a bird,

then im a bird.

- noah; the notebook.

love and peace.