My neglect of posting has been despicable. But i am currently lying on my bed, candles lit, onesie on (even if the weather does not permit the need for such attire) and not needing to fight for sleep between getting into bed at quarter past eleven to only wake again at quarter past five the next morning. Such shifts are the reason why i have patients say 'oh goodmorning werent you here last night?' And my answer always is... i live here. This was what i signed up for when i decided to be a nurse.
But really i love my job. It has just thrown a few curve balls at me, some i hit a home run, some slam me hard in the face and make me want to cry, others i get frustrated with when i strike out and no matter what shift i have they all leave me tired and emotional... well so far.
Ive been on a high for so long, getting a feel for my new role, making new friends and collegues, still attempting to have some what of a social life that i forget to stop, breathe, collect my thoughts and remember i have a life where i need to relax and look after me, because lets face it at the moment no one else is going to do it for me.
My mind and life is a tangled ball of wool at the moment that is slowly starting to unravel as i learn my role and settle into an environmnt filled with wonderful people doing magical things for other wonderful people. I have been so lucky thus far to experience what i have, absorb the knowledge i have be taught and meet the beautiful people, sick, fighting or dying, that will forever have an impact on my life.
I get to speak to, care for and learn about a persons journey all on one shift. Some things i have learnt from my patients will always hold a special place in my heart. Life is not something you take for granted, you fight for it, you learn from it and should appreciate it. Get out of it all you can before you no longer can. Dont play games, not hate or absorb your time into toxic activities or people. We are not programmed to please everyone, so stop trying, do what makes you happy, care for the ones you love and love you in return, be open to new things. Smile. Cry. Get angry. Live.
I need to remember to do these things too, i get caught up in other peoples dramas, caring for my patients, worrying about work and my committments and i need to breathe. Let go of things from time to time. Changes in life can be difficult, i like to think im pretty aware of important things in my life, but im not perfect. We all make mistakes.
Sometimes though when you do stop and inspect your life, things may not be as you want them or how they appear. We all what it all, hoping one day we will get what we ache for. A new start, a second chance, life, love. I might be missing a few things but i make up for them until my day arrives. I know and love some of the best people in the world. Hope breeds eternal misery, my sister wrote that on facebook, a singleton also, she is right. But if you dont have hope you have nothing. Pretty lonely situation and a bit of a catch 22 if you ask me. I guess all you can do is appreciate what you have and leave it to fate. And dont be rude, rude people erk me.
Also apologies for the world vomit of condensed words... tablet post. Has taken me forever, touch screens suck. Love .x
