right now is one of those moments i would rather curl up into a ball and cry, but unfortunately in the real work i have to put on my uniform and go to work.
today is not a day i want to be dealing with my patients crap (both kinds)
i love my job, i really do. but like everyone else i have a career with perks and things i do not enjoy.
i feel for my patients however some just like to suck the life right out of you, like a dementor from harry potter.
my dream last night was one of those dreams where you get upset, so much infact that your body actually reacts to it. im not sure if i woke up from crying or the sheer shock of my emotions towards my dream, but i felt compelled to do something about my dream and the person in it, i awoke to already have message from said person deflating any feeling i had towards changing our situation..
the person in question; my dad.
yes boo hoo a girl with daddy issues. however i have had to deal with this sadistic and self absorbed person my whole life so i get to have a little whinge on the matter.
but after tears and a conversation with my conscience (renee) i slowly realised no one is perfect and my guilt ridden dream was that.. a dream. my illusions for a relationship with my father are built on nothing but false hope. something i need to learn to control and as sad as it may be, we will never share anything close to what my mind and heart wish for.
so instead i wiped my tears, complained with the sister, listened to M.Ward (and fell in love with him a little deeper) and put my miserable mood to good use. baking.
the house now smells like biscuits and im having to get ready for work...
thoughts from a distraught child learning that big girls dont cry and daddy's arent superheroes (at least mine isnt) something if i think about i realised a long, long time ago.